Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
