i think my tv is drunk
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
