no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
