My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
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She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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