If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
