i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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