My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
