There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
