explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
