so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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