what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
