You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
