id be glad to
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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