shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
