Don't you send me to vm
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
