I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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