If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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