I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
