12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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