How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
