I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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