Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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