You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
