He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
