she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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