Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
