i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
