bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
