just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
