If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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