you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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