I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
