I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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