he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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