I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
