I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
