Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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