dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
