Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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