Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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