I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Randomize
