I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
