Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
