it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
please don't ironically join a cult
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