remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
