I can tuck mytits in my pants
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
There's even glitter on my cock...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
