There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
