This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
