i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
