I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
