wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
