pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
