He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
