Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
