I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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