life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
