Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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