How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
smell my finger.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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