he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
tell me about the eggs
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