i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
