My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
