Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
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I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
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Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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