My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
