he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
