she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
