everyone is single if you try hard enough
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
