Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
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Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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