She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
