who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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