do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
